I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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