I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
