My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
