My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
