She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
