I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I feel like a drive thru vagina
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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