yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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