There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
two words: eviction party
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
