But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
so that wasnt chicken after all
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
