You just made me feel so damn special
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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