Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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