My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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