____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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