He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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