Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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