After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
