Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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