He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
