I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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