Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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