She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
