he thought i was a dude.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
