everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
