Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
