i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
