Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
