On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
