he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He shit in the fireplace
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
