You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
