I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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