You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
