So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
