I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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