Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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