fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize