Redeem this text for a blowjob
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
