I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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