Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
