you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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