im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
