do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
