I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
