If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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