This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
