the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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