oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
