Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
