he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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