My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
