dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
