Ambien. No doubt about it.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
