You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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