God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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