I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
