I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
