were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
