For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
