apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
