my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
