the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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