she woke up with a sticky ear
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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