so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
