We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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