I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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