Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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