You're so nebulous sometimes
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
