I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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