Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
