im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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