They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
