how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
