I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Randomize
