Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
