We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
