I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
This is classic penis vs brain.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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