take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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